Emike Bini Oyemade: Am I Possibly Addicted To Sex?
I am 20, and I have been dating a guy in my school for about a year. We are really in love and we hope to get married maybe in five years’ time. We have been having sex at least twice a week since we started dating. I enjoy it. Although we use contraceptives because I am really scared of getting pregnant especially because my Mom is a church leader, I still fear I may get pregnant. I want to stop having sex or minimize it, at least for now but it’s so hard to do and my boyfriend is not helping, each time I tell him, he says I don’t love him. I don’t want to lose him.
A Great Sex Is Not A Sign of True Love
While it is not surprising to have a boyfriend, become sexually active, use contraceptive and plan marriage at 20, these days, you need to urgently slow down or discontinue your relationship with your boyfriend before you cause yourself heartaches. Although you have a good intention – marriage in mind but you have started your relationship on a wrong foot. I am guessing you started having sex right after you met, meaning your friendship is largely sustained by sex and not true love. This implies that if you refuse sex with your boyfriend that may mean the end of the relationship. Marriage or a long term relationship with your partner needs much more than sex to be sustained.
Focus On The Basics
At this stage, you should be more focus on your education, making the best grades, pursuing a career rather than having a craving for sex and in a guy who says he loves you because he wants sex from you.
Being Addicted To Sex
From what you wrote, I would not say that you are addicted to sex. It takes more than what you have stated to become an addict. In my years of counseling, sexual addicts usually do not keep one sex partner. There’s a difference between often having the urge to have sex and been addicted. The addict needs no urge or ‘encouragement’ to do it and make not care if he or she is just meeting the sex partner for the first time. However, no body planned to become a sexual addict; they all start from loving to do it as often as you are doing.
Sex is A Gift Reserved for Marriage, Not for Dating
I strongly encourage you to practice abstinence, when you do there will be no need getting scared of whether you are going to be pregnant or not. Contraceptives are originally meant for family planning and not to ‘put your mind at rest’ when you sleep with your boyfriend. Sex is a great gift reserved for married and there has never been anyone who had sex with their partner and got scared of not being pregnant. Except when they have decided not to have children.
Feelings Can Be Fickle
Being in love takes more than just the ‘feeling’ to have sex. You can have sex with someone without being in love with the person and you can truly love a person and not have sex with the person until the time is right. Feelings can be deceptive, someone you think you may not live without, something may happen tomorrow and you part ways.
True Love Is Often Worth The Wait
If you are really in love like you stated then both of you should be able to keep it ‘clean’ now as you also stated that you intend to get married. Five years is a long time and your perception of what true love means may change. You cannot even guarantee that you will still be in love with that person. This is the more reason you should focus on how to better your life. One other way to handle this is to talk to an older person, a parent or a counselor to guide you.
If you want to stop having sex with your boyfriend and control your ‘addiction’ to sex, you have to stop seeing him. There will not be much strength to resist the demand for sex if you are still seeing him. This may be hard but not impossible because if he insists that you do not love him because you refuse to sleep with him it means that he only wants your body, the sex you give to him and does not care about you and your heart. The possibility is that he will be sleeping with someone else or even having several sexual partners. Guard and protect your heart, emotions and face your studies. A better man will come your way when the time is right and not love you because of the sex you are going to give him but for WHO YOU ARE!
*Jane is not a real name
Emike Oyemade is passionate about changing lives and equipping others to change lives with Christ-centered truths through biblical and compassionate seminars, enlightening and instructive trainings, insightful teachings, biblical counseling, informative books and life-changing conferences.
She offers biblical relationship counseling for singles and newlyweds wrestling with and resolving relationship issues as well as those who need advice and prayers to handling the situation. If you would like to get counseling, you can email firstname.lastname@example.org